Another Christmas season is behind us. For many families, the remnants of the holiday still remain. There are some parents right now watching their toddlers play with the box and not the toy. Some still have not operated the toy because they are waiting until it is COVID safe to go out and purchase the batteries. As for me, my tree and holiday decorations are still up (until the end of January). It is during the month of January, I spend time in reflection. Thus far, I have spent much time reminiscing and praying for the people and experiences I have gained and lost in the past year. Eventually, I pause to reflect on the gift-giving and receiving experience.
I start to cringe over the gifts or non-gifts I have received or second guess the ones I have given. Before you cast judgment, hear me out. Take a moment to recall those horrifying moments when you received that “oh my goodness” gift from a loved one and friend. Or remember the effort it took for you to find the perfect gift for that special someone, and you realized this effort and care was not reciprocated? Will you dare to admit to those times you tore through the wrapping paper and yelled to the top of your internal walls, “what the heck was (fill in the blank) thinking?”
And that is precisely it; they were not thinking.
True story, on my first Christmas with my ex-husband, I got a vacuum cleaner. A household cleaning item, with my name on it, was under the tree. Yes, it is practical, and he did hear me say we needed a new one, but did it have to come on Christmas? Sadly, it did not get any better, no matter how hard I tried to leave subtle hints. Another Christmas, my on and off and on again man-friend of 20+ years hit the “As Seen on TV” aisle to purchase the Red Copper 5-piece Pan set. The box was big and I give him two cool points for his wrapping technique. But it was a kitchen utensil. In both cases, I am no longer with these men (ring the alarm). And these men were thinking shortsightedly on the practical. Sadly, what is useful for them was not a gift to me. For the cost of those gifts, I would have gladly yelled with sincere delight for a Starbuck card. Nothing says I love you more than a venti Mocha Frappuccino with extra ice from those of you who know me. Yummy!
It’s the thought that counts. That’s it! There was NO thought.
Unknown
Preparing for the Christmas season often includes a great deal of pressure to purchase the “perfect” gift for loved ones and friends. Beginning in September (around Labor Day), I write my list of family and friends (my tribe of 10) and a few ideas of what I may venture to get. I am usually looking for the “gag”, funny or sentimental gift for my loved ones. Then, of course, I can not forget about the special “supa dupa” gift for the man-friend in my life who made it through Valentines, Birthday, Summer Break and Thanksgiving. Soon after, I am pulling out the decorations and the tree from out of the garage and begin sprucing my home for the holidays. These memories bring a smile and chuckle to my heart.
I take this moment to imagine the heartache it brings to the recipient when they receive a gift from me that does not reflect the true affection and admiration of our friendship. An unfitting gift says I have misunderstood them. I urge you to take a few moments to consider who you are buying for and how it will mean the world to the person who unwraps it. Conversely, when you have been the recipient of gifts or gestures of kindness that do not reflect the authenticity and affection of your relationship, perhaps its time to reconsider that friendship. Trust me, it is perfectly okay to “clean out” your contact lists; thus, surround yourself with the people who are willing to feed your soul as openly and as willingly as you do for them. Chances are those people were showing their colors a lot earlier. Sadly, the most obvious demonstrations or actions will alert us from whom and what we need to stay away.
First, I salute all the wonderful family and friends who have honored me in their gift-giving. Yes, I have received beautiful, thoughtful, practical, romantic, and sweet gifts. These gifts were priced at the spectrum of price points, and then there were those gifts that were priceless. Those invaluable gifts reflected their thoughts and their care for me. Receiving those gifts were meaningful and reflected how they regarded me. Indeed the gift was in the listening. The present said, “I mattered to them.”
There is an art to gift-giving. I will simply say this – the gift you give, whether you pay for it or is handmade, is something that the recipient wants and needs. It also highlights and builds the connection you have with them. Over the years, I have been acclaimed for my gift-giving. I humbly receive their commendations.
Below are a few things I keep in mind for the best kind of gifts:
- Presentation matters. Didn’t Oprah say it, “the love is in the details”? Hands down – the time to wrap a gift or select the pre-packed boxes at the Dollar Tree makes all the difference. Of course, you want to make sure the presentation is equitable to the gift within the packaging.
- The Element of Surprise. I remember the surprise. I remember the backpack I got for my birthday. My girlfriend took note of a conversation from four months earlier, was aware of my love for colors and VIOLA! The least expected surprises last a lifetime.
- One word – Personal. When I begin thinking about what to buy or make for Christmas, I consider a theme for a group of my friends. Or I plan for some token or act of kindness or humor to share or mail out to others. What makes the present special is that it is personal to that individual or family.
- Emotion; tap into the sentiment of the recipient. Any gift that makes me squeal with delight is a great gift. The emotion, the sweetness of the gift is a new celebration that the recipient will never forget. In fact, because you get that reaction, chances are you can make that your traditional personal gift you give to that one person every year. Yes, a cozy pair of socks or slippers every year is perfect! In fact, I make it a point to seek out the funniest and fuzziest holiday socks annually for one play niece. It is our personal thing, and she excitedly looks forward to how I may outdo myself every year. I hope she does.
- Keepsakes emote thoughtfulness. I believe there are mothers out there (like mine) who collects everything. Latina mothers, in particular, hold on to what is called Recuerdos; translation keepsakes. The literal translation of the word recuerdo is memory. Photos, bronzed baby shoes, baby shower and wedding favors, first loc of hair, teeth or diplomas are keepsakes. Those items are a connection to memories and are stored in a vault-like china cabinet. Those gifts are deemed exceptional. I know of a Mother and Daughter duo who diligently research sites for the most unique Monopoly boards. That one gift makes this Dad’s year. It may be out on display for a limited engagement and more than likely stored away until it comes out again. Yet, it is a unique and thoughtful keepsake that is personal to this family. I can tell this means as much to the mother and daughter to have brought that type of thoughtfulness to their man of their lives.
So, when you find yourself in a crunch to find that perfect gift, and I know you will, I hope you may consider these few tips. My prayer is that the effort you put forth in your gift-giving will be reciprocated unto you in a most meaningful way. It has been said giving is as much a blessing as is the receiving. Though this may very well be true, we all want to feel the same sense of care and communion with whom we share. No one wants to feel as if they are being slighted, misunderstood or considered less important. Be grand and generous in your gift-giving on every occasion there is to give. Let your generosity in word and deed be an example for those with whom you hold dear.
…now what, Linda?
now what, Linda? 