Lets talk – forgiveness.
Ironically since I last shared with you, I received an unusual number of calls from friends who were struggling with forgiving and forgiveness or trying to grasp a practical understanding about forgiveness. The core of our discussions was they understood forgiveness in theory yet found it difficult to reconcile in practice.
Well…lets start at the beginning.
Definition: The action or process of forgiving or being forgiven. Mmmmm…a rose is a rose is a rose. This definition says nothing, however, a few words associated with forgiveness include: pardon – absolution – exoneration – remission – dispensation – indulgence. Still a tad bit unclear.
Science defines forgiveness: a conscious deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.
Where did forgiveness come from? Good question!
Research shows Dr. Robert Enright from the University of Wisconsin–Madison founded the International Forgiveness Institute and is considered the initiator of forgiveness studies. He is noted for developing a 20-Step Process Model of Forgiveness (Curious? Click on the link). No disrespect to Dr. Enright but the beginning of forgiveness is with God. Forgiveness is a moral concept. God was talking about forgiveness at the moment of creation. Even in His divineness, since the beginning time began, He knows people will have to come to some point in their lives when one will face the option to forgive or perhaps be forgiven.
What it is?
- A process
- Deliberate
- Conscious choice
- Private
- Necessary & Life-changing
- Liberating
What it is not?
- Does not gloss over the offense or deny the seriousness of the offense.
- Does not mean forgetting.
- Does not condone or excuse the offense.
- Does not obligate you to reconcile with the person who harmed you.
The process involves letting go of the negative feelings and empower you to recognize the pain, the anger, the betrayal, the sadness, etc. so that it is no longer defining you and enables you to heal and move on with your life. I know…easier said than done.
This is what GOD says about forgiveness:
Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
Ephesians 4:32
Believers in Christ struggle with the practicality of forgiveness because they don’t really believe that holding on to unforgiveness is satan’s way of entrapping us in our choices to control the situation (as judge, jury and prosecutor) and thereby prevent us from loving one another as God commands. The word “for-give”, in itself, is an image of “giving forward“; handing over to God the hurt, anger, disappointment, pain, etc. the offense brings to your heart.
So, let me share with you what God teaches on forgiveness. Because of our sin nature and our propensity toward sin, we will offend someone or someone will offend us. And because of Christ’s death on the cross, it is His crucifixion that was (and is) the sufficient price, atonement or forgiveness for our sin. So the idea of forgiving others begins with remembering always that God forgave us first. Perhaps, if we absorb this image of God’s forgiveness of us, it would not be such a hard thing to do. Just in case you need more encouragement, here are a few things to consider.
FORGIVE & FORGET. God does not forget, so why should you? Remember, He still forgives. In His forgiveness and love for you, God provides assurance; His promises that He will never hold that offense or sin against you or treat you as if the offense is ever-present on His mind. Yes, we are human and we feel, we remember, and we will be in pain. As in any hurt or loss, pain is associated to that memory. It will take time to recover. To help ease the pain, allow God to take it off your hands.
FORGIVENESS & JUSTICE. Vengeance is not a bad thing! If it were, God would be in trouble. The wrath of God is greater than anything I can do. Examples throughout the Bible let me know He is a lot better at it than I. If I insist on holding on to controlling the situation my way, worse case scenario, I will end up in jail or dead. God is my AVENGER! Captain America and Iron Man don’t have nothing on God. Just thinking about God handling the situation is freeing and liberating.
FORGIVENESS & BOUNDARIES. Yes, setting boundaries with your family, friends and folks, in general, is one of the best things you can do for yourself. Even more so at the time of forgiveness. Because you have forgiven the offender does not mean you are obligated to restore the friendship. On the other hand, you are compelled to go through the process of forgiving and ultimately love, as God loves you.
FORGIVENESS & HEALTH. There are ample studies to assert forgiveness is spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically healthy. Holding on to anger, hurt, bitterness, pain, etc. is harmful to your mental, spiritual, emotional and physical health. Unresolved anger or bitterness have profound effects to the mental and nervous systems. Let it go and get healthy!
FORGIVENESS & PRIVACY. You and the person who has offended you are the sole persons involved in the act of forgiveness. If you have included others to either hold you accountable and for council, they are not the individuals involved in the process of forgiveness. The process of forgiveness, does not include gossip or maligning the character of the offender to others. It defeats the purpose of what forgiveness is.
FORGIVENESS & ECONOMICS. It costs you actual dollars and cents when you choose or not choose to forgive. Yet, most of us will choose to pay the price for not extending the olive branch and arrive to closure and forgiveness to the offender. Today, I believe, a great number of businesses and failed global economics is hinged on the hurts left unreconciled. There is a cost to waiting. Releasing the power of the offense and how it has defined your life limits your ability to breath deeply and thrive in all areas of your life, including your bank account.
Forgiveness is powerful! There is power in “letting go and letting God”. Forgiveness is an incomparable power solvent that cuts through generations of guilt, hatred, and deep-rooted bitterness. Consider those in your life with whom you have harbored hurt, resentment, offense, etc. Begin the process of your healing today. Your heart and life depends on it.
…now what, Linda.
now what, Linda? 