Naomi Osaka withdraws from French Open, takes break from tennis.
CNN
Sha’Carri Richardson used marijuana legally in Oregon, now out of Olympic 100-meter race after drug test.
ESPN
These two banner headlines within the last 60 days inspired this week’s post. Two of my Sistas in Arms were splashed across the headlines. I cried. These fearless ladies who just months earlier were hailed the greatest in their arenas with crowds cheering their names with loud applause were now expurgated and their actions dramatized for all the world to read and hear. I am not going in on the disgraceful and unnecessary behavior of “journalists” who wish to sensationalize and profit from these news bites. But I am saddened by how quickly we; this culture / this world will expel another when there is the slightest evidence of pain or hurt. It is the classic example of hitting a person when they are down. Rather than hitting, why are we not offering healing, guidance rather than penalties? Understandably, there is a need for identifying and communicating clear expectations thereby yielding results. However, does anyone stop and consider the cost these young ladies need to make to meet the expectations set before them? There appears to be a “disconnect” in the way we coach through situations when the circumstances change.
#Girlgang (proper noun) Those fearless ladies who exude self-confidence and help build their fellow sistas up, not tear them down.
Thanks to Netflix and LeBron James’ production company, SpringHill Company, media provided a perspective in a 3-part docuseries on 24-year old Naomi Osaka which premiered on Friday, July 16 . This young lady, born in Japan to a Haitian father and Japanese mother has been ranked No. 1 by the Women’s Tennis Association (WTA) and is the first Asian player to hold the top ranking in singles. She is a four-time Grand Slam singles champion and is the reigning champion at the US Open and the Australian Open. Her seven titles on the WTA Tour also include two at the Premier Mandatory level. At the 2018 US Open and the 2019 Australian Open, Osaka won her first two Grand Slam singles titles in back-to-back Grand Slam tournaments and is the first player to achieve this feat since Jennifer Capriati in 2001. She also became the first woman to win successive Grand Slam singles titles since Serena Williams in 2015. Heck, I just took up tennis in the last year, and I am worn out just reading the highlights of this young lady.
Meanwhile, Naomi chose HERSELF and HER mental health by electing not to meet with the press. Forsaking Naomi’s free will and choice to protect herself, the establishment fined her $15,000 for refusing to speak to media after her first-round win at French Open and was facing expulsion from Grand Slam tournaments if she continued to do so. And she did. She withdrew from competing any further in the French Open and subsequently, Wimbledon.
“Nobody really knows all the sacrifices that you make…no one prepares you for the level of attention that comes with being thrust into the media spotlight.“
Naomi Osaka
Sha’Carri Richardson, 21-year-old sprinter from LSU astounded the world with the fastest time on the planet when she won the 100-meters in Track and Field at the Olympic trials in 10.86 seconds on June 19. Four weeks later, she tested positive for marijuana which put her participation in doubt. After successfully completing a counseling program, she accepted a one-month period of ineligibility that began on June 28, 2021. While Richardson will be ineligible for the Olympic 100 meters due to a 30-day suspension that ends July 27, 2021, she could have been eligible for the Women’s 4 × 100 relay scheduled for August 5, 2021. However, she was not selected, thereby missing the Olympics entirely. During an interview on the Today Show, she stated she used marijuana at the U.S. Olympic trials to cope with the discovery that her biological mother had died and the pressure to meet expectations.
“I want to take responsibility for my actions. I know what I did. I know what I’m supposed to do. I know what I’m allowed not to do. But I still made that decision. I’m not making an excuse.”
Sha’Carri Richardson
Although I do not know these young ladies personally, I know them. She is me. She is all of us who have achieved, succeeded and within a second missed the mark, made an error in judgement, or simply said “enough is enough” and chose to say NO to everyone else and YES to ME! I want to wrap my arms around them and walk with them in their pain and discomfort.
These athletes have coaches, agents, lawyers, endorsement deals, and peers giving them marks to hit all the time. They don’t need us (aka public opinion) to set a level for them to live up to. It’s the difference of how a football coach responds to a wide receiver who drops an easy pass. Option #1: He can say, “I expect you to make that catch,” which puts pressure on the wide receiver to perform. Option #2: In coaching the wide receiver, he might say, “What do think happened on that last play? I think you may have taken your eyes off of the ball. Remember to lock the ball in. I know you can do it.” The first is like a parent who says, “I expect you to get good grades, make wise decisions, and do what I say.” It doesn’t give room for failure. Most importantly, it does not leave room for recovery, redemption, and restoration.
Isn’t it ironic that while the mental fitness of the athlete is crucial to their stellar performances that the World Tennis Association and the Olympic Committee would castigate them for paying attention to their personal mental fitness, by any means necessary?
I am not a parent, but I am an absolutely positively amazing auntie (ask my niece and nephew…smile). One thing I have observed in myself, and others is our quickness to discipline and restrain the behavior. Whether it’s a slap on the hand, a school suspension, breaking up with a loved one, or a firing from the job, we all have either exercised or experienced the penalties from choices well within our constitution to make. However, those in authority to apply real fairness don’t take the time to consider the circumstances of how and why.
Understand, I am not the time-out kind of person or the spare the rod advocate, but I am always unsettled by how quickly we react and respond angrily at the other or how little talking and explaining we are allowing when expectations are not met. Do we stop and consider the other side? Do we not want to listen to the backstory? Take it from me, the child who bursts into a tantrum in the middle of the grocery aisle does not want to be in the supermarket restrained in a cart. He would rather be in his room playing Legos. The teen who is growing into his own personality while coming against middle/high school stressors and does not have a way to vent and process may act out in mischievous ways. The spouse who leaves no room for mistakes will more than likely belittle their partner with complaints and criticisms. Why would either partner want to stay in that environment? As the Bible says, “It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife or husband.” Or take the employee who has a stellar attendance record and works diligently for years may one day lose the deal and the employer will quickly send him or her packing. In all these scenarios, the punishment may have very well fit the crime, but I wonder if the accused ever got a chance to express his/her mindset. Did the parent, school official, husband/wife, and employer take the time to understand the other and in part explain the circumstances and justifications? Were the expectations realistic? Were they clear and communicated?
I cannot tell you how often I have had to make the tough decisions. And there have been times in my past life when I have handed out horrific consequences for wrong behavior. I have paid dearly, as a result. But through the grace of God, I have transformed, and I believe I have become a better sister, auntie, friend, manager, and leader. I am exercising the same compassion that has been awarded me.
I have learned how to be firm and direct in a spirit of mercy and empathy. On many occasions during the toughest conversations with my peers, I have had to amend my initial thoughts and actions. As a manager, I apply the “listen more, speak less” approach. This small adjustment in my leadership style offers my team more autonomy over tasks and feel less micromanaged. Thus, I spend more time coaching my team toward meeting goals versus hovering over them. In fact, during times of high stress and pressure to meet deadlines, rather than entreat them further with penalties and threats, I reward them in the midst of the process. I get in there with them and get my hands into the work. While my team is very much aware of the directives and the importance of meeting their goals, what is most comforting to them is that their leader is managing the stress on their behalf.
God says it best, For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. – Jeremiah 29:11.
We can all learn a few things from this promise the Lord makes to you about plans and expectations.
- God alone knows the plans for you.
- God’s plan includes good for you and for others.
- God’s plans offer a future and a hope.
If you consider all these things, you can recognize the importance of listening and allowing the souls you parent, are married to or lead on your jobs or communities to have a chance at getting it right. You will be extending a chance for this soul, who at first may be in distress, to have an opportunity to restore, recover, and possibly make restitution for their short comings.
Finally, lets reflect on the unconditional love God demonstrates to and for all of us in how He seems to spare the rod and not allow us to live out the consequences of our mistakes. If you are super duper honest with yourself, you will have to admit God has given you more than enough chances to get it right. I know He’s done it for me!
So, the next time you come across the Naomi’s and Sha”Carri’s in your life, who for whatever reason have fallen short; first – hold off on the judgement, second – consider their backstory, and lastly, extend guidance wrapped in God’s love.
…now what, Linda
now what, Linda? 