7 Types of People You Need in Your Life

We draw each other closer to God.  We draw each other closer to others. We help each other become the real person God created us to be.

Nathaniel Clay Filer

YES…my favorite season is here.  I absolutely adore the Fall season. Aside from the obvious weather changes, it’s the time I store the light summer clothing items and bring out the cozy sweaters and boots.  It is also the time I use to reflect on the types of activities and people I want to experience in this super season of giving and celebration.  I am certain I am not alone when I say, people can really make or break an encounter or event. 

So, while you are cleaning out the storage bins or organizing your closet with an Autumn wardrobe, conduct a mental checklist of the following types of people you want in your life this season.  Come along with me as you go through this checklist below and identify (your Girl Squad and Man Tribe) who best suits your top types.  Happy Fall season!

A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Proverbs 18:24 ESV

Not only do these types of people love us and allow us to be ourselves, but they draw us out of ourselves. They encourage us to be vulnerable, which is important because it is decidedly not comfortable, but it is surely necessary to the deepening of any relationship.

1. Get yourself a Cheerleader.  You want someone who is authentically your biggest fan.  Someone who is going to pull out the pom-poms whether you score or fall behind in life.  The great thing about the cheerleaders in your life is that you can have more than one.  As a matter of fact, you can have as many as your heart can handle.  Your cheerleaders will chant in your ear words of encouragement and yell at the top of their lungs when you go for the win.  With a good team of cheerleaders on your side, your spirit will soar for better and for worse.  Yes, one, two or more cheerleaders can make a blah day even better.
2. The Confidant.  The person you feel completely safe confiding in is a must in my tribe.  For me, I keep this circle super small – no more than two.  The confidant is a person of great sensibility or sensitivity to whom I reveal my innermost thoughts. The confidant is essentially a listener and in some cases an adviser. And my confidants are older, wiser, and God-fearing.  Yours can be around your age.  Whoever you choose, be sure this male or female knows how to listen and keep your secrets.  My sister was this person.  Not only because she was blood; but because she knew me well enough to discern the flaws or gaps in what I shared.  Finally, I didn’t have to defend myself when it came to embracing a confidant.  While it has been a little over a year since I lost my sister, God has blessed me with a couple of surrogate “Seesters” who step in to be my safe place.  For you, your brother or sister or family member can hold this sacred role.  Whomever you select, be sure it is someone you truly like to be in your business. 
3. The Mentor.  For many folks, the confidant is also the mentor.  But there may be mentors at the workplace who are not necessarily your confidant in the personal areas of your life.  Perhaps mentors are the life coaches who instruct and direct as coaches through the personal or professional areas in your life.  Your mentor must be trustworthy and admirable.   Mentors are empathetic and are open to kindness.  Finally, mentors do not have an agenda as it relates to their relationship with you.  The mentor is focused on you and not on what they can get from you.
4. The Up-For-Anything One.  Oooooo this person is the most fun person in my life.  This type of person will drop what they are doing so they can share the adventures in your life.  I also refer to this person as my “ride or die” person.  I travel with this person.  I go to parties with this person.  I call this person at 5am in the morning for an early sunrise road trip.  This male or female shares your desire to see the world, plan out dreams, and celebrate the milestones along the way.  I have also identified this person as tenacious.  It is a mostly positive term. If someone calls you tenacious, you’re probably the kind of person who never gives up and never stops trying.  If that is the case, you want this characteristic in your up-for-anything person in your life.
5. The Comedian.  When I think of comedians, I think of Dave Chapelle, Katt Williams, Bernie Mac, Chris Rock, and Jerry Seinfeld.  But I also consider there are the serious intellectual comics who add humor and insight, simultaneously.  There are a few significant lessons I have learned in my life that I understood with greater depth of understanding because it was discussed in a humorous context.  Purposeful comedy can defuse tension, evoke a shared humanity, engage others and, most important, provide an alternative narrative perspective.  Humor helps to reveal the underbelly of the harsh occurrences of our lives.  I think of Richard Pryor’s masterful standup routines including autobiographical recountings of youthful experiences when arrested by the police and experiences within the criminal justice system. I also recall Pryor’s famous punchline: “I went down to the courthouse looking for justice, and that’s what I found there—just us.” Equally powerful are Pryor’s self-deprecating explorations of his drug experiences, including setting himself on fire while freebasing. He speaks with remarkable candor and insight about the seductions of drugs­—that is, it is the drugs’ voice that speaks seductively to him. We get inside Pryor’s skin, even as he sets himself ablaze. Clearly, these are not intrinsically funny subjects for comedy. Why, then, do we laugh so hard? Perhaps, in part, because we momentarily share Pryor’s ironic edge, his self-effacing honesty, his candor, and perspective.  I relate to comedy. Things appear more clear when presented in comedic form. I enjoy the sound of laughter. The toughest talks I’ve had been through the tears of laughter. Get you a funny friend. You’ll be so glad you did.
6. The Challenger is a powerful and headstrong fighter and advocate for those who are disadvantaged or lack a voice in society. They believe, with vigor and pride, that the future is malleable and within their control to wield.  This type of person is bold, daring, and willing to break down walls themselves.  You want this person in your life.  He or she can serve as an advocate on your behalf when you are feeling less than confident.  On many occasions, the challenger person in my life has been my partner when promoting a new idea or showing support of a mission or campaign.  Challengers are not the “bulls in the china closet” comparison.  They are excellent judges of character and when life throws them lemons, they leap on the opportunity, make the best-tasting lemonade.  The best kinds of challengers execute a downright effective game plan to turn the incident into one which gives them an upper hand. Yes, they will turn failures into success—by simply reframing and anchoring their mindsets toward growth. They are often drawn towards leadership roles because they crave independence and struggle with authorities being in control over them. Identify the Challenger in your life. Chances are they will either fill the void in your circle or bring depth of strength to it.
7. The Comfortable One.  I’ve come to realize true friendships are safe but not always comfortable.  No matter who you are, if you want to be comfortable in your relationships, you need friends with whom you can be yourself. You need friends who love you for who you are, and around whom you can act natural.  Throughout my life I have had my share of folks in my life with whom we share some things in common, such as our love of music and our shared sense of humor, but other than that we are quite different. Lately, my friends have stood the test of time and there are few friends who are truly comfortable in my life as I am in theirs.  The differences don’t matter because any time we get together we both feel completely at ease. I trust them not to hurt me. I can be myself; they can be themselves, and we can bond over our few, strong similarities.  Today, I surround myself with men and women who are comfortable with my faith in God.   No matter what defines your character, you want to be with someone(s) in your circle who will allow you to be yourself – uninhibited and unbothered by potential judgements.

No matter who you are, if you want to find true friendship, you need friends that you can trust, not only to be kind but to keep you accountable. You need friends who love you for who you are and for who you are becoming. Lastly, you need friends around whom you can act natural and vulnerable. Happy Type Picking!

….now what, Linda