I AM Woman

In a season when women (and men) are fighting to identify who they are via gender, the struggle is further maddening for one who is unclear of their worth and significance just as they were created.

For a young teen in Brooklyn, I was reminded daily I was daddy’s big, beautiful princess, mommy’s assistant when completing weekly household chores, and caretaker of my younger sister and baby brother.  Seems my identity was defined by my parents and siblings by my behavior and what I provided.  My actions in our home and family dictated my uniqueness.  Easily enough, the things I did as the eldest child also set the stage for my character building, as well as the warmth and importance of my vital role in my family.

Yet even growing up, I looked to people I admired, books, or news stories to establish another “character” of myself.  As a young teen and even into my adulthood, I believed it would be a great idea to stand out beyond what my family had defined for me. As I was maturing and establishing my own identity, I discovered during that time, I had to stand out to achieve goals – “closed mouths don’t get fed”.   That could not have been truer as a professional colleague in the workplace, student, and friend.

A successful woman is one who can build a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at her.

For better or for worse, I am the woman I am today because of my mother, grandmother, aunts, and the “fabulous Latinas” in my immediate neighborhood.  I watched how they dealt with the hard stuff.  I admired the way these ladies took their licks and made the most of bad situations.  Husband walks out on them – they were out with their girlfriends the following weekend.  One lost a job – they found another cleaning houses or shops.  Families were struggling to pay the rent – the other families in the neighborhood got together, bringing food, or pulling a collection of $20 bills together.  I admired the panache by which these women walked through their struggles.  Once their situations changed, they were willing to help the next woman whenever she was thrust into a challenging situation.  I bonded with this sisterhood then and have carried over this bond to my girl tribe today.

There is no force more powerful than a woman determined to rise.

At 22 years old following my college graduation, I had concluded that remaining in New York would offset my mental health and ability to succeed.  Things had changed dramatically, and I was blindsided by how quickly these experiences were affecting my relationships with friends, work peers, and other family members.  It was essential to, not only escape the environment but to establish a renewed sense of self. Within 14 months, I had sold what little I owned, moved to another state, found work and a small 1-bedroom apartment.  It was not easy at all.  It took a lot of networking, stays at seedy motels, humbling myself before strangers, and taking jobs that were not attractive.  There were months of living hand to mouth, no benefits, and lots of noodles in a cup.  Yet, I pat myself on the back for how creative I became during those tough times.  Yes, there is a power that comes from within once we are focused on achieving our goals.

The perfect woman, you see is a working woman, not an idler not a fine lady but one who uses her hands and her head and her heart for the good of others.

Thomas Hardy

I am amazed at how even more beautiful people become when we think, speak, and do for others before ourselves.  Allowing someone with 2-3 items to step ahead of you on the checkout line.  Picking up the tab for coffee at the Starbucks drive thru.  Sending a smile or saying hello to someone who looks like they need it.  Whatever small acts of kindness you can send makes use of your body, heart, and mind in the spirit of compassion.  Outward beauty will fade, the body parts once perky and fly will settle but the spirit of a woman with a care for the good of others is everlasting.  This one element of a woman makes her even more attractive.  In fact, it is kindness of your heart that eases stress and anxiety which takes its toll on aging and wrinkles. 

One of my favorite passages in all of Scripture is found in Proverbs 31.  The entire chapter defines the elegance, grace, and beauty of the woman who lives to serve others before herself. 

Read slowly and allow these words to speak to you.  Does this define you?

¹ The sayings of King Lemuel contain this message, which his mother taught him. ² O my son, O son of my womb, O son of my vows, ³ do not waste your strength on women, on those who ruin kings. ⁴ It is not for kings, O Lemuel, to guzzle wine. Rulers should not crave alcohol. ⁵ For if they drink, they may forget the law and not give justice to the oppressed. ⁶ Alcohol is for the dying, and wine for those in bitter distress. ⁷ Let them drink to forget their poverty and remember their troubles no more. ⁸ Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves; ensure justice for those being crushed. ⁹ Yes, speak up for the poor and helpless, and see that they get justice. ¹⁰ Who can find a virtuous and capable wife? She is more precious than rubies. ¹¹ Her husband can trust her, and she will greatly enrich his life. ¹² She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. ¹³ She finds wool and flax and busily spins it. ¹⁴ She is like a merchant’s ship, bringing her food from afar. ¹⁵ She gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household and plan the day’s work for her servant girls. ¹⁶ She goes to inspect a field and buys it; with her earnings she plants a vineyard. ¹⁷ She is energetic and strong, a hard worker. ¹⁸ She makes sure her dealings are profitable; her lamp burns late into the night. ¹⁹ Her hands are busy spinning thread, her fingers twisting fiber. ²⁰ She extends a helping hand to the poor and opens her arms to the needy. ²¹ She has no fear of winter for her household, for everyone has warm clothes. ²² She makes her own bedspreads. She dresses in fine linen and purple gowns. ²³ Her husband is well known at the city gates, where he sits with the other civic leaders. ²⁴ She makes belted linen garments and sashes to sell to the merchants. ²⁵ She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future. ²⁶ When she speaks, her words are wise, and she gives instructions with kindness. ²⁷ She carefully watches everything in her household and suffers nothing from laziness. ²⁸ Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her: ²⁹ “There are many virtuous and capable women in the world, but you surpass them all!” ³⁰ Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the LORD will be greatly praised. ³¹ Reward her for all she has done. Let her deeds publicly declare her praise.

All progress takes place outside the comfort zone. 

One of my characteristics is my steadfast loyalty to people and responsibilities.  But I must admit this loyalty and commitment has also been my setback.  On one occasion in my professional career, I remained in the same workplace for over 16 years.  Although, I was consistently promoted and accepting new roles, I was stuck in the organization.  Apprehension to pursue another employer and relearn corporate dynamics and culture deterred me from stepping away from where I already felt extremely at ease.

The greatest obstacle to remaining in one place for too long is your inability to explore the possibilities and expand your capacity to learn and achieve new milestones.  If all you know is the comfort of working in the classroom while your passion may be to become a principal or a musician or to start your own business, then you will remain in that environment.  Don’t be mistaken, there is nothing wrong with the work, but it has everything to do with stepping out and tapping into your passions and stretching your boundaries. 

Ask yourself, what brings you excitement when you talk about it?  What dream keeps gnawing at you no matter how many times you try to ignore it or work even harder with at your present gig as a distraction?  Each time you avoid progress, you are second guessing yourself.  You are denying the gifts and purpose God has placed in you.  Do you want that for your present and your future? 

Backstory:  I remained with my former employment for 16 years.  Daily I considered leaving and did not.  Daily, God was making it abundantly clear that I needed to step out on faith (in Him and myself) and pursue my purpose.  Daily I ignored the signs.  Daily, I invested time and energy at one place when I could have been investing it somewhere else where my skills could have been further utilized.  Ultimately, I was laid off.  I believe God divinely yanked me out of my comfort zone so that I can rely on Him to follow what I was destined to achieve.  Since then, my career has flourished beyond my imagination.  God has done abundantly more than what I ever could have if I had continued to remain in one place.

Attention Sisters, you can do amazing things!  You possess magnificent qualities that God has created only for you.  You have the ability to explore all facets of your life. You have the capacity to access the possibilities. You have the ability to expand your horizons.  There is no wrong answer, only discovery.  What an amazing revelation to discover who God created you to be by understanding who He is to you.

²⁷ So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God He created them; male and female He created them. Genesis 1:27 NLT
⁹ But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. 1 Peter 2:9 NLT

…now what, Linda