You are a child of God. You are wonderful made. Dearly loved and precious in His sight.
Psalm 139
I have been invited to quite a few Babies Showers this season. It seems the couples I know used this time during the pandemic shutdown to reacquaint themselves and decided to expand their families. Alternatively, this period also exposed an increasingly high number of duos who split up and families who divorced. But not that’s not the focus here.
All recent generations have a story and history behind their name, and now there is a new generation of babies emerging through the pandemic awaiting their generation’s name. One proposed name for this generation is Generation C (as in Generation COVID or Coronavirus), which, hypothetically, refers to the baby boom caused by the COVID-19 pandemic.
During a recent Generation C baby shower, someone started the conversation about the timing of her pregnancy. Mothers, aunts, and girlfriends were laughingly sharing their stories and enthusiastic tales on motherhood. While there were many of us who were gazing at the glowing pregnant mommy and engaged in the chatter, there were a few ladies in the room who appeared to be withdrawn. It was in that moment that I realized their stories may not have been as sweet. And in that moment I was linked to their experience and possibly their feelings.
I admit, baby showers for me have been a reminder of what I do not have. I never conceived and birthed children of my own. Yet, I have been blessed as “fairy godmother” and “auntie-mom” to many babies. To say my treasure chest is overflowing is an understatement. Nevertheless, it does not make me any less sensitive to the awkwardness of those scenarios and the discomfort of those conversations for those of us who have not experienced the thrill of motherhood. Especially during the baby shower, wedding or other social event, there is invariably one or more who will ask the questions, “You’ve been married for (fill in the blank) years, when are you going to have a baby?” or “Are you ready to bring a little one into the world?” No matter how innocent those questions may be, for many women it may be a reminder of infertility issues or perhaps the couple’s inability to come to consensus to have a child at that time.
Unknowingly, these inquiries shine a glaring spotlight on our sisters and what she may be unable to represent. Invariably, it is during those times, I tend to cleverly change the train of conversation to the humorous track. I’ll laughingly share the freedom to get up and go at will or the luxury of standing in for childcare for a few hours only, when needed. Mission accomplished…the uneasiness these few ladies and I may have experienced for a better part of the gathering is now subsided by humor. Don’t get me wrong, we are extremely happy for our sister–tribe who are birthing babies and adding joy to their families and I am equally aware of those of us who, whether by choice or not are unable to enact this special part of motherhood.
While we are celebrating our friends in this special time at the next baby shower or gender reveal, here are a few things to think upon when you notice your thoughts deviating or are approached by Nosy Nancy.
- Find comfort in the little things.
- Take stock of what you are grateful for, whether for that morning coffee or sunshine on your face.
- If you have a strong desire to parent, consider fostering or mentoring programs.
- Find joy in celebrating the blessing of others before yourself.
- Give yourself the gift of support by spending time with family or friends.
- Discover or uncover purpose and meaning for your life – travel, teaching, reading and/or whatever.
- I recognized a long time ago; life isn’t what I expected it to be. You may not get to be the person you wanted and planned to be. Choose to make this unexpected and unplanned life meaningful and fulfilling anyway.
Personally, I have embraced this scripture: Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. James 1:17 (ESV).
I have resolved a few things as a woman. One of them is traditional parenting is not the only way to be a parent. For every mom who gets pregnant and decides to keep their baby there are moms who do not and rely on the kindness and good will of other women and families to provide a better life for their baby than the one they could have offered. Another is the fact that women are more than conceiving, pregnancy, and cravings. We are nourishing and nurturing humans. We work hard so we can also laugh and play hard. We are women who enjoy taking on new and adventurous things that are not always traditional. We are forward thinking, innovators, and genuinely seeking out genuine and unique relationships.
And I offer this tender hint to the rest of the women out there in their pursuit of the latest gossip or to satisfy their inquisitive natures, STOP. When you have the urge to step to a newly married wife or the woman who you recognize with no children, count to five and simply say hello. Get to know the person before you step into the very personal and private part of their lives. You simply do not know what is going on or how your kind questions may be unknowingly hurtful or appear insensitive.
Nothing will make us happier than to be recognized for being productive and accomplished just as we are without having to embrace the anticipation and expectations of others. Besides, women are more than babymakers.
…now what, Linda
now what, Linda? 