Are You There God? It’s Me, Linda.

Have you ever been in situations that have led you to doubt your ability to survive? Perhaps, you have second-guessed your steps because you are moving too fast or not fast enough. In those cases, you may have had to rely solely on your gut or on instinct. There may not be a family member or friend with whom you can trust and rely on to bail you out of the jam. If you are really honest with yourself, some of the binds you are into right now are the whole of your own doing, and you are completely ashamed of asking for any help from anyone. All of those things are relatable because it happened to me and from time to time, continue to happen. Admittedly every one of those binds were a result of poor choices, satisfying my own desires, ignored wisdom, or feeding my sense of control.  

You are lonely and alone. Yes, I was lonely and alone, too.

On the other hand, there are those circumstances into which you grew up. Maybe you’ve inherited horrible family issues, parents fighting, infidelity, alcoholism, violence, distrust, or dysfunction which consumed your maturation. You were bullied in school, or experienced prejudices that were painful. You didn’t have anything to do with that mess, and yet you were caught up in it. Where was God then? Did God see what was going on? Is God allowing you to wallow in the swamp for so long? I, too, experienced those same happenings. It was amid tears, fear, and anger, I would cry out – Are you there, God? It’s me, Linda. It took a while to figure it out and frankly, God was right there. God saw it all. God heard it all. I believe God watched every step and taught me how to survive for when those things should happened again. For some people, it does not work out that way. The world has suckered many of us into believing it takes energy, good vibes, the universe, and the “right” people to help us overcome our circumstances. And those things may work temporarily, but it will not last.  

So now that you know you are not alone, let’s consider honestly whether you fall into one of these cases.

Throughout my 20’s and into my 30’s, I envisioned God as my divine concierge. I was aware of God because, in my youth, my trips to the Catholic church and annual viewing of the Ten Commandments pretty much spoke to my religious education. Then there were those parenting occasions where God would be whipped out as confirmation. So the young, fearless chick that I was would regularly tap on the bell when I needed forgiveness, a bailout, a hook-up, or special dispensation from my transgressions. Admittedly, God came through for me, and I was grateful.  However, it was not long before I was in some other mess that required me to call on God for another lifeline. Eventually, can you believe it? God ignored me. God completely turned His back on me when I needed Him most.

I was stunned. I was flabbergasted.   

So consider for a moment, what type of loyal, grateful, rehabilitated person could I have been to return to my life of recidivism? Why should I expect that God would continue to rescue me despite my deliberate choices to continue doing what I know was wrong? If God rescued me, yet again, would He not be complicit in my wrongdoings? Would we not be in a destructive co-dependent relationship?

So now I am in my late 30’s. I am successful. I am accomplished. I am responsible. I am feeling myself in every way a young lady would. I love my life. There is no drama in my purview, and I convince myself that I am ready for a relationship. I am determined to enter a romantic relationship that will lead to marriage. I am very clear of my vision. I take extra effort to look my best, smile a little wider, add a bit more sparkle to my eyes and make myself more approachable to available suitors.  Behold, within a few months, I am smitten, and within 2 ½ years, I am engaged and declaring my love, devotion, and fidelity to this man in a very public wedding. Some two years later, I am involved in a very public separation and imminent divorce. In my eyes, I did nothing wrong. I was loving, devoted, and faithful. I did not run away from my marriage. I was committed to us. I was, above all things, loyal. I was ready for a relationship, for marriage, for family. Where are You, God?

Did you notice how much “I” was in this scenario? 

In retrospect, I was clear to check off the list all the things I thought I needed to possess or behave to consider myself ready for a relationship. Nowhere in this scenario did I ever consult with God to guide my steps. I did not take time to check in with God to determine whether I possessed or behaved in His eyes in a manner fitting of a wife and mother. At no time during my prayer times did I surrender to His divine wisdom about the right approach to identifying a man who would be as equally committed as I. Finally, I do not recall ever getting on our knees to invite God into our marriage, and neither did I. Why would I consider that God would invite Himself into something in which He was not invited? Hindsight being what it is identified as my prideful and vain nature. My wedding was a beautiful event, and my dearest were with me to enjoy this occasion. God, while mentioned in the opening credits, was never in the lead cast role in our marriage. Therefore, if God would ordain this type of marriage, would it not be just as proper for God to proclaim another marriage with other more hateful and horrific tendencies?

“No one expects the rug to be yanked out from underneath them; life-changing events usually don’t announce themselves…Anger, confusion, sadness, and frustration are shaken up together inside you like a snow globe. It takes years for the emotional dust to settle as you do your best to see through the storm”.

Slash, Guns N’ Roses

There have been many, emphasizing many points in my life when I have questioned the why’s and how’s of my circumstances. At the moments of my heartbreak, embarrassment, or ego-driven scenarios that blew up in my face, amid tears, I screamed at the top of my lungs, why me? Or how come this is happening to me? In those poignant, life-changing circumstances, I doubted my faith and questioned the presence of an Almighty God. And if I were candid, (I was not at the time) I was doing things that I know God wouldn’t want me doing. Yet, I dared to ask and demand God’s presence when I saw fit to see it.

Many storms have come and gone, and there are much more to come and they may seem to never end, and yet they eventually will end. Following the storm, there is an assessment of the damage.  Some of the damage is considered collateral, a guarantee of the storm’s effects (fallen trees or power lines), and then they’re a few that include the elements – winds, water, or fire. If you are in the midst of the storm or one has ended in your life, assess the damage. Identify your part in keeping the trees and power lines of your life secure. 

I urge you to stay in constant, committed communication with God so that you are aware of those times when He doesn’t seem all that vocal. I assure you, God is there with you. Remind yourself that an Almighty, Ever-Present, and Loving God would not leave you in a pinch. Maybe God is giving you some time to settle down and maybe He is trying to get your attention. Silence can do that sometimes.

Either way, God does have a purpose for every storm in life, and there is also a purpose and a plan beyond every storm. Storms refine our faith. Adversity stretches us and causes us to trust more and more in Christ for our needs and for our strength. Consider those storms of life are His way of trusting you to handle them. Consider those storms of life are not for you but for people watching you to see how you handle them. You can keep asking and the answer is still the same. God is right there. The rest is up to you.

…now what, Linda