For many women (and shall I say it…men too) they want to desire and be desired. They rarely desire to want and be wanted. That would expose their sweet spot.
ME
As I was taking a Vegan Enchilada dish out of the oven, I heard my dear Seester exclaim, “I have to hurry up and marry you off.” As the chuckles subsided, I ran through my rolodex of recent dating experiences and dare I say it…I came up dry! Not one man rises to the level of potential prospect for marriage material. This is not a criticism but an observation of my situation. I’ve enjoyed the conversations, the similarities of our likes and dislikes, and our common faith but at the end of the day, I desire to WANT you.
If I got a dime for every man, woman and child who told me, “Linda, the problem is you come across as if you don’t need a man” or some variation of that sentiment, I would be a newly minted millionaire. AAAHHHHH! A few things come to mind whenever I hear that line. First, since when does the interested guy decide, “mmmmm, I’m going to go after that girl, not for her smile but because she looks like she could really use my help? Second, isn’t needing and feeling needed burdensome? It implies there are expectations and rules and if they are not met, the person is dismissed. So, they are right. I don’t need a man to be with me to fulfill a need like changing lightbulbs, mowing the lawn, or taking my car in for a tune-up. Lastly, the idea of needing a man (or a woman) suggests I am unfulfilled, unsatisfied, unhappy, frustrated, or some other “un-___” and I am determined to find some stranger who will bring wholeness to my existence. Well, I gotta tell you…that’s a lie!
My father raised me to be self-sufficient and aware of important values needed for partnership. As a young girl, I watched him work, provide for his family, and enjoy the fruits of his labor with his wife and children. My father demonstrated pride and self-confidence exuded charm and finesse, as well as good old-fashioned common sense. He was the one who opened the door and allowed me to walk across the threshold first. He and I had long walks together and talked about friends, school, sports, and he encouraged me to share my opinions and speak my mind. I carried those aspects of his character with me for my entire life. I have worked hard to take care of my needs on my own along with the help of handymen and mechanics (smile). Further, if my composure and go-getter attitude intimidate men, then it is entirely in my best interest that I am not approached.
It seems every daddy’s girl will admit their fathers are their first love and size up the men they date to that barometer. Admittedly, the best relationships I had were those that resembled the awe and tenderness of my relationship with my dad. It met my desire to want to be with that person.
Remove SEX from a relationship and you will discover a lot of people have nothing to offer.
UNKNOWN
Sexual liberation not only includes the freedom to have sex but to turn it down if it comes your way. Sexual liberation is a movement hailed for changing people’s perception about sex and sexual behavior in most contemporary societies today. This movement challenges traditional codes of behaviors that relates to sexuality and interpersonal relationships in the Western world. In many cases throughout my sexual experiences, I used sex to validate what I felt toward my partner. But on those occasions when sex was purely gratuitous, it was unrewarding and fruitless because there was nothing behind it. In those cases, sex is really the only thing men (and women) will offer in place of honesty, commitment, or transparency. Thereby, sex becomes at its base physical and unfeeling.
Today, I am detached from the pressures of getting married, having children, or meeting the “right” guy. I am grateful for the satisfying life I have lived thus far; and the best is yet to come. I look forward to meeting someone with whom I can share my desires and who is comfortable to do the same with me. Most importantly, I wish to fulfill the desire to WANT a man because he meets my desires and not my needs.
No pressure! No judgement! There are a thousand sites, articles, books, and podcasts all around the subject of How to Make a Man Desire You. While it may seem fascinating for most, it really does not capture my curiosity, at all. However, I share with you a few thoughts to consider as you tame the desire to want Mr. Right to come knocking on your door.
- Have your own life. Go ahead and take moment to think about your interests, hobbies, and goals. What are the things you enjoy doing, and what else do you want to accomplish?
- Take care of yourself. Whether through exercise, eating healthily, living your life, and managing your mental health commit to devoting time to enhancing your inner glow.
- Be confident. Confidence is something you have, it’s something you gain. And the only way you can gain confidence is through experience.
- Be fun to be around. As you pursue your interests and goals, you are gaining new experiences, new stories to tell. You are gaining experience with social interactions, especially new ones, and are beginning to be more comfortable in new settings and talking to men you don’t know. You are looking and feeling better, and feeling more confident, which allows you to be more fun when you’re not self-conscious.
- Flirt. There is nothing wrong with flirting or witty/flirty conversation. Feigning interest may attract a man to want to know more about you.
- Don’t be afraid to want what you want. Do you know what you want in a man; in a relationship; in a marriage? Can you identify those wants without sounding needy or desperate? A lot of women have grown up thinking that they should just go with the flow. But when you look at the women men are going after, a lot of times, these are the decisive women. So don’t be afraid to say what you want. You don’t want to be demanding and uncompromising.
- Wait on God’s best for you. While I am waiting on God’s best for me, I am working on being my best. In the meantime, I am enjoying the singleness and recognizing it is a gift which allows me to continue to steward wisely all that He has blessed me with.
I am not going to say that I have nailed down every aspect of my singleness. But I am grateful for the time to assess and evaluate how I can be a better me to my family, friends and the one God has groomed just for me. This season of singleness has afforded me the time to travel, pursue greater professional goals, and focus on my mind, body and spirit. And to keep sacred the desire to WANT a man rather than need him.
…now what, Linda
now what, Linda? 