Sometimes God puts you in places ALONE because He needs you to realize you do NOT need anybody but HIM!
Auntie Linda
This weekend my niece, Brandi is celebrating her 30th birthday. Whew…time flies! This post is dedicated to her. And to all those 30 year old’s out there…this is for you too!
I clearly recall the day I turned 30. Do you? After all the celebrating that could be done was complete, I was alone in my bed reflecting on the day. And suddenly, I realized I was not in my 20’s. I was not 29. I was no longer a child. I was no longer in that phase of life where everyone would respond to my mistakes as “you’re still young. You’re still learning.” In my 20’s, I reacted to most of my challenges in the way my mom or grandmother would if they were my age. In my 20’s, I imagined and dreamed of the roads ahead and goals to attain. I worked super hard in my 20’s and I partied, traveled, shouted, fought, loved, hated, and dreamed. I pursued my 20’s with relentless fearlessness. I was super confident about having years ahead of me to become even more productive, successful, and fulfilled. But it seemed the second, the nano-moment, I turned 30, the switch flipped from doing life hard to doing life smart. That night, heck the morning after all the candles had been blown and the shots were consumed, I came to that prophetic flash – if I were going to survive the next decade of years, I must live smarter and not harder.
I recall the evening phone call my sister; Wanda told me she was pregnant. She was clear she was going to have a girl. We giggled like children when we remembered the secret chats, we had when she revealed her dream to have two children – one girl and one boy. You, Brandi was her first born. She knew the name she was going to give you from the very beginning. She worked hard every day throughout her pregnancy to ensure everything was in place when you arrived. Your adorable chocolate face entered this world earlier than planned but your mom had you and did not let go!
I imagine raising children is not easy. One thing I do know, God sent her help along the way, whether through our mom living with them and providing childcare or friends who would lend support in a pinch. For a single mom and to all the single moms out there, there is nothing more humbling than to recognize shortcomings and realize there are future matters that are completely out of their hands to control. Kids (even you, Brandi) will grow, mature, grow into their own personalities and formulate independent ideas and may inevitably ignore the advice and wisdom of their parents. Despite all your choices, your mom had you and she did not let go, even if it looked like she did.
Brandi, you are at this place in your life when living life on your terms is the way to go. I assure you that path is sexy, feels good, and may hold your attention for a little while, but I promise you, the allure will fade. I know. It is not lost on me that your 30’s is a time to truly prove yourself – socially, professionally, and spiritually. It is the latter that I wish to dwell on for a tiny bit…smile.
In those quiet moments when you are feeling lonely – know you are not alone. God is an ever-present, ever-knowing, ever-faithful God. Keep in the front of your mind, God is consistent. In all the things He says, He teaches, and demonstrates in your life, He was the same yesterday – is the same today – and will be the same tomorrow. Finally, God is the truth! He is true to His word. His word is His bond. Remain steadfast in the ways that God responds to your thoughts and actions.
God answers in 3 Ways
- He says YES and gives you what you want.
- It was the mid to tail end of the recession of 2008 and families everywhere were struggling to make ends meet and hold on to jobs. It was super tough for everyone. I had lost my job at the church after 16 years and was living off savings, EDD and the grace of God for the next 8 months. Following a Thanksgiving dinner with dear friends and their family, I was confronted about buying a house. He was an real estate agent and was sharing with me that “now was the time to buy”. I laughed out loud and of course, I hesitated. I knew nothing about the process of homeownership and believed I did not have the money to get into one. Did I mention to you, finances were super tight? Logically, I believed what my savings account was telling me. Nevertheless, he and his wife told me I could do this. Like in all things, I prayed to God for direction. You will know its God when signs, people or information come out of the blue. First, out of nowhere, people who were in the homebuying business were coming into my circle. Second, I was hired to work at a non-profit group – Neighborhood Housing Services – to help families either purchase a home or avoid foreclosure. Third, that 401K I had been paying into for the last 16 years turned out to be the thing that I used for my down payment on the house. Finally, the entire process – from beginning to end, was less than 10 months, including the time it took to find the right house for me. When God is in it, everything just flows – smooth like butter. When God says YES, He will give you the desires of your heart as long as your desires align with what He desires for you! The only way to know is to pray!
- He says WAIT and gives you the best.
- I was serving in ministry and enjoying the fruits of my labor. I’m living in Los Angeles, and you simply can’t get around this town without an automobile. Though I lived walking distance from the church, I was still limited by where I could go. In addition, my savings was low, credit was shot, and I didn’t even have a current CA driver’s license. I prayed for a car. I was on-line daily looking for deals, saving dollars, and still praying. Meanwhile, I had to buckle down and study for the driver’s ed test. So here I am with a newly minted CA driver’s license, a significant savings, and no car. For a year, I thought God simply did not hear my prayers. I was humbled daily when I heard folks tell me how foolish I was for not having a car or mocking me for taking the bus. I recall having to ask people to loan me their car to run errands and pay for their gas. I smiled through it and trusted God would reveal Himself. In that time of waiting, God was teaching me patience and diligence. I still did what I was supposed to do while He worked out the details. AND most importantly, He wanted me to recognize wanting something or someone should not be what I pursue because everyone else has it but because He believes I am ready to receive it. Ask yourself, why would God grant you a new car, a boyfriend, a dream job, or vacation, if you are not ready to drive it, sacrifice for it, be on time for it, or enjoy it? I put in the work. I was faithful in saving my pennies and boy did God show out! At the moment I was comfortable with my bus pass and remain car-less, my boss called me into his office to explain to me friends were moving to Sacramento and were literally giving everything away EVERYTHING including their car. Yes – a candy-apple red Mazda Miata convertible. ME…a Latina in a smoking red-hot convertible! I couldn’t say YES fast enough, until I heard the words, stick shift. What?? And those pennies came in handy. There was a smog check and tune up to pay for along with fuel for the car. The patience God taught me helped me to study and practice learning how to drive a 5-speed car. In those long-protracted periods in your life when you think God is nowhere in sight, He is working out the details. His delay is not denial; it is an allowance in time for you to get ready and prepare for when the gift appears.
- He says NO and gives you something / someone better.
- I WAS IN LOVE!!! You know that feeling; butterflies in the tummy, he is on your mind – morning, noon, and night. You can’t think about doing anything without considering him being with you. You start writing your name next to his. You’re signing your first name with his last name. All his habits are cute; including his rubbing his nose with the cuff of that brand new shirt you bought him for Christmas with the last $40 you had. Before long, the jokes are no longer funny. His farts really DO stink. And yet because I / You don’t want to be alone, I put up with it. I did! I spent valuable time – years in fact, learning and training to be with someone who simply was not the best for me. I am not alone. Millions of women have, do, and will continue to sacrifice the greatest gift of time to be with someone or something (a job or career) that is not God’s best for them. Like all major decisions, I did pray and ask God about whether this person was right for me. God answered and I chose to ignore Him. In retrospect, I ignored God on more occasions than I care to admit. Confession: You know I don’t live my life in regret, but the one I do have is the regret of not having listened to God in the areas that mattered most to my life including that of family, career choices and the loves of my life. In retrospect, the time I committed to the flawed men and toxic friends in my life, I should have committed to a deeper and more intimate relationship with God. As for the one guy that I truly believed was my soul mate, God allowed me to see repeatedly on numerous junctures in our time together that he was not the best person for me. Today, God’s NO for me has allowed me to receive the better. He has allowed me to spend more time with Him in meditation, prayer, and reading His words. I talk about Him all the time with family and friends. I imagine all the things we will see together as we travel through life. I spend time writing my name beside all the ways He has taught me. God is the love of my life, and I am truly unapologetic about it. Don’t get me wrong, your Auntie would love to share with you the value and depth of a God-centered marriage and I want to hear a man’s voice tell me how good I look. But who can compete with God who tells me on a daily “I am fearfully and wonderfully made, marvelous are His works” (Psalm 139:14) and “I am His chosen one” (Ephesians 1:4)? Sorry, no one can compare.
So Brandi, I wish you the greatest birthday ever. No matter what gifts lay in wait for you the greatest present I give you is the excited anticipation of God’s best for you. There is always a bigger plan. Even for the non-Believer going through the 12-step program, he/she must take stock that sobriety does not come on his strength alone but in a Power far greater than his or her own. Own you are already one step ahead; you know Jesus as your Power. Now ride this 30th birthday wave into greater maturity and evolution of who God has created you to be. Make the choices. Make the mistakes. Get back up. Try it again. Love hard. Work hard. Play hard. But in all things, turn to God for the direction and be aware of His answers.
…now what, Linda.
now what, Linda? 