Be fearless. You are never alone.
Joshua 1:9
- Health on track? Check.
- Active social life with your Girl Squad? Check.
- Professional career on track? Check.
- Financially healthy; minimal debt? Check.
- Family doing well? Check.
- Faithful in your relationship with Christ? Check. Check.
Yet, when you get home at night the silence greets you more profoundly than ever before.
Confession: Lately, this is the type of loneliness I have been experiencing for the last few weeks. Following a few conversations this week, it seems, I am not alone!
There are ladies like me who are fantastic, lively, successful, and beautiful, yet VERY single and not one prospect in sight. We enjoy our solitude. We enjoy the freedom to be on our own and express ourselves freely. We enjoy the flexibility of our lives – as masters and mistresses of our domains. On the other hand, there are nights, following a long day, when I enter my home, kick off my shoes, fix myself a cocktail, and realize there is no one present to share it with me. Frankly, I miss the sound of a male timbre greeting me. I miss the peck on the cheek after a date. I miss getting an invite to go catch a movie. I miss someone opening the car door. I miss sharing intelligent conversation complete with highs and lows and getting the perspective from the opposite sex. While I am not alone, as God is always with me; I am feeling a loneliness which brings me to tears.
There is a difference between being alone and lonely. Being “alone” is a physical state where you are physically by yourself. Being “lonely” is an emotional state where you feel alone or disconnected from others – even when they’re right next to you. In my personal case, I am clearly alone and disconnected from the company of male companionship.
In the hopes I don’t spend unnecessary time dwelling on what I don’t have, I make a conscious choice to recognize what I do have. Further, I realized that the only times I was feeling this type of loneliness was after I spent time comparing myself with what someone else had. Usually, after speaking to all my married friends about all their happy married life experiences, I was exposing myself to the reality of what I did not have. Before long, I was yearning after what they have and wanting it for myself. It was not a desirous or jealous yearning; it was the stark reality that this one facet of my life is severely lacking. My life is deficient of male company that allows me to be even more girly, flirty, sexy, and spicy.
Take it from me, it is tough! Perhaps it is the control freak in me that wants what I want when I want it. Perhaps I need to spend more time in meditation and prayer and gain a Godly understanding about this stage I am in.
Come with me and let’s explore what I have learned so far:
- Reassess my thinking and regain hope. I acknowledge freely that the dating scene for me (a youthful gal in her 50’s) has been extremely challenging. Therefore, I have inadvertently adopted a hopeless attitude about my dating and marital future. God desires every good and wonderful thing for me. Additionally, God wants me to have His very best. I had to switch back to a hopeful and more optimistic mindset as it relates to my meeting a compatible male friend.
- Practice self-compassion. Clearly, I was not exercising sweetness and kindness to my heart. I noticed that on those lonely nights, I was often questioning what was wrong with me. I was doubting how awesome of a person I am. Because I was not extending grace to my heart, I was unconsciously placing unnecessary pressure on myself to want something I may or may not be ready for. Further, I was downplaying what God has done in my life thus far. I was not demonstrating gratitude and appreciation.
- Ask yourself, “what do you really want?” One of the biggest criticisms I hear from both men and women about the opposite sex is that we do not know what we really want. Often, we fail ourselves and our potential mates (when we get them) with our inability to be as transparent and honest, as necessary. Sadly, you cannot have an honest and healthy relationship with anyone if you are not prepared to be as equally honest and healthy with yourself. Be sure to define clearly what you want – male company vs. a manfriend vs. a husband.
- Love or marriage is not a cure for loneliness. Be sure your life is fulfilled and complete before setting off into meeting someone new. Dating for dating sake may provide a temporary relief and fix but it is not long lasting if it is meant to satisfy some emptiness in your life.
Trust me, feeling an unclear complicated emotion like loneliness is a frustrating emotion. Admittedly, I am impatient about getting to the other side of this exasperation. Then again this may very well be what God is teaching me. Another point to consider is spending more time reading His Words and His truth. The Bible reassures me how jammed packed it is with love, hope, faith, and ultimate reassurances, like eternal life. I just need to trust it to be true for me, as well. I welcome you to walk through this process with me. Journal your responses and truth. Spend time in meditation and prayer with God. Journal those revelations and quiet whispers. Slowly observe the renewed hopefulness you and I have been missing and celebrate the best days are ahead. Perhaps when you and I least expect it, a gentleman will appear and we will be ready with a smile and say hello.
….now what, Linda
now what, Linda? 