If you could describe yourself in 5 words…what would they be?
Me
There are no short cuts to being honest about yourself and others. So, ask yourself, “what five words would best describe ME?” And consider – what five words would your friends use to describe you?
My top 5 words to DESCRIBE me (in no particular order) Loyal. Discerning. Flirty. Smart. Industrious.
Question: Will the words you choose to describe yourself be congruent with what and how others see you? Throughout my life I have been asked to write character references for family, friends, and colleagues. Come to think of it, I have written numerous letters. These reference letters make easier to define, for the unfamiliar person, what characteristics and attributes I identified, admired, and perhaps experienced in and with them. These reference letters have helped to attain new employment opportunities, enter university, provide support in court cases, insight to foster care agencies and adoptions, and often start burgeoning new businesses. In principle, I am standing in alignment with what I observe in the person and the expected requirements from those on the other end.
Question: Are you serious about helping others see what you see? Recently, I was asked to provide a character reference for a young lady venturing into a new employment prospect. As she was sharing the exciting news, I was constructing in my mind all the fantastic things I knew about her. But in addition, I was also considering what would the prospective employer seek to read as they are considering this candidate to be an asset to the organization. What is it about this candidate that will stand out above all other candidates? Admittedly, I may have missed a few things she said as I was lost in my thoughts.
Writing these references are not easy. I take them seriously. While I can spend most of my time dwelling on what the employer, judge, or admission committee may think, I must stay true to describing what is special about the candidate who is my relative, friend or colleague. Many may write letters that articulate “what the employer wants to read” without giving a second thought as to whether the person you are writing about can do the job. The truth is you must know not only WHAT you are talking about but WHO.
Question: When you ask for that character reference, do they respond to you immediately or do you have to make that status call two days or a week later? I recall when applying to graduate school, I was asked to provide three reference letters – academic, professional, and personal. Thankfully, I had two people in my network who I easily approached to provide their perspectives. The third proved more difficult. You see, while the person was ideally the best to provide this character note, I also knew this person was extremely busy and knew him to respond only to those things that “struck him” in the moment. Though this admissions process was time sensitive, I threw caution to the wind and decided to reach out to him with my request. I recall emailing him with a thorough explanation of my goal to enter grad school, the description of the program and some insight to the school itself (philosophy, mission statement, etc.) In this case it was necessary because I was very aware that this individual’s reference letter (if I received it) would have to be in accordance with his personal value system, as well. Within the next 36 hours, I was surprised to receive a fully composed character letter with his signature. I could not believe it! I cried – not only from his glowing recommendation but because he thought enough to complete my request with candor and without delay. In effect, he handled me and my request in the same way he typified the assignment. It was personal as it was important.
Question: Do you know who you can go to defend your character? In my personal and professional lives, I have been selective about whom I would approach to write the ideal reference letter. There is a logical approach to receiving and giving character references. Personally, I know of people I have approached who are not my friends and do not know me intimately. They do, however, know my work ethic and respect my productivity and diligence to get the job done. In one such case, my supervisor was asked to provide a candid character assessment for a department transfer I was pursuing. She was the only person who could provide this evaluation. It was not until after I was in the new post and the probation period expired that my new manager confided in me what my former supervisor had documented. According to my manager, the notes were not flattering. She admitted she had no real relationship with me. She noticed I was often surrounded with people and others were drawn to my desk regularly. She noted I was at my desk before she arrived and still there after she left. However, she could not help but conclude that if my personal character were any indication of the effort I put toward my assignments and output that I would be a valuable talent for the department. Sometimes, you can demonstrate and model words to others better than you can tell them.
Question: Does your network know how to best describe you to that interested guy or gal? It is said that a good number of dating folks were introduced by their friends or referred to by their co-workers. I don’t know exactly who to reference for this statistic, but it makes sense. Your male or female friends may be quite effective in playing cupid if they know who best suits you. Enough said.
Question: Do your friends or colleagues know when to defend your character and abilities whenever your name comes up in a conversation? I am not alone when I say you can often be misunderstood by newcomers into your circle. Sadly, there have been people who have misunderstood something I’ve said in response to something or perhaps something I have done that leaves them with a negative impression of me. Thankfully, there have been those in my tribe who’ve successfully changed people’s opinions or provide perspective to defend me. When your friends and peers know you, they can step in and take a stand on your behalf especially when your honor is at stake.
Question: Can people easily identify you are that person by the words used to describe you? Recently at a party, I walked into the very tail-end of a conversation where one was describing for the group a situation and how the characters involved were behaving. Within moments of hearing those particulars, I almost instantly knew of whom they were speaking. I am certain the speaker was grateful they did not have to go over the details again, and I did not interrupt the rhythm of the exchange by asking a whole bunch of questions. The discussion was not disparaging of the persons involved but the words used to describe them were telling of the individual. It’s simple when you know what you know by how they are described.
I have said it before, and I am certain you have heard it a zillion times – words are powerful. Words can make or break a person, situation, a family, a friendship, or a relationship of any kind. There have been times when the very words I have used to encourage someone else have been repeated back to me to soothe my soul and uplift my spirit. For this I am very grateful. You never know who is listening to those words and recording them for such a time when you need to hear them most.
Question: Do you know the words God uses to describe you? Believe it or not, God knew exactly who and how you would be created. That’s not me telling it, that’s Him. The Bible speaks of how Even before HE made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. – Psalm 90:2 NLT Another truth, I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well. – Psalm 139:14 NLT. Getting to wrap your mind around just these two scriptures can bring a divine perspective of who you are to Him. Personally these two verses (there are many more) have given me greater confidence in helping to define who I am. If God says that I am wonderful, why would I think any differently? If God is who I believe Him to be, why should I doubt Him? The Bible is jammed packed with so many beautiful insights to our creation. There are clearly more than 5 words you can use to best describe yourself. If you are unsure, read His words for yourself and pick a few from there. You can keep them or make up some new ones of your own.
So make a point today to seek out the top 5 words that best describes you. Write them on a note and post them around your mirror or refrigerator to remind yourself of who you say you are. Take it one step further – let’s start a trend and write the top 5 words that best describes your mom or dad, best friend, your brother or sister, dear colleague(s), or spouse. Mail it to them. Allow them to read what you think of them. As my brother would say, “give folks their flowers now while you can.” I dare you to make someone’s day by speaking words of affirmation, encouragement, and with the best kind of character reference they can possibly receive.
…now what, Linda
now what, Linda? 