Don’t worry about what you can’t control. Our focus and energy need to be on the things we CAN control. Attitude, effort, focus – these are the things we can control.
Tim Tebow
I just got through with my Saturday morning task of paying the bills. Not exactly the ideal start of a weekend; made even worse when you realize there may be far more bills than there are dollars to pay them.
Nevertheless, in preparation for what will be a challenging hour or so, I fixed myself a tumbler of iced mocha coffee with cinnamon and almond creamer. I took a sip; proud of myself that I mastered the recipe worthy of giving Starbucks a run for their money. Honestly, it is the least I can do to make the task of bill paying a bit more endurable.
Like millions of Americans, we accrue living expenses for what we consider ordinary and necessary. Law dictates the following:
§ 17.6 Ordinary and necessary living expenses. An individual’s ordinary and necessary living expenses include rent, mortgage payments, utilities, maintenance, food, clothing, insurance (life, health and accident), taxes, installment payments, medical expenses, support expenses when the individual is legally responsible, and other miscellaneous expenses which the individual can establish as being ordinary and necessary.
While we maintain household budgets (or not), we try in every way to manage our needs and wants. Always, it is entirely within our power to control our use and spending. Which is why I kept tallying the minimum payments and moving other bills to the next pay date/schedule. In effect, I am prolonging the inevitable that I may have to at some point pay the bill.
Meanwhile, I have also been receiving November/Thanksgiving and December/Christmas solicitations from the Union Rescue Mission and American Red Cross. My heart is hurting that I am unable to give currently what I want to give because the DWP, credit card, and cell phone bills take priority. I’m certain, I am not alone. There are some of us who are wrestling with what and what not to pay. It is in these cases, when I am most disappointed in myself that I am unable to give to those who are in significant need because my spending is above and beyond in other areas. These feelings of dissatisfaction are the consequences we feel when we fall short on meeting our goals and expectations. It hurts to not be able to give $35 to the Union Rescue Mission when you must pay overpriced utilities bills, home and/or auto insurances, food, rent/mortgage, and credit cards. It is times like this when we make mental notes of adjustments to make so we can do better the next time. It is in this area that I can control and manage.
Thankfully, I completed the task. But I couldn’t stop wondering about all the other things from which I have been trying to release my control. Frankly, I wish someone had told me in my younger days that there are things I can’t control in life, so learn to let go as soon as possible. Sadly, throughout my 20s and 30s, I placed enormous pressure to fulfill world-centric expectations on myself to be accomplished and successful. In the pursuit of the house, the car, the career, or the clothes, I controlled every strategy and detail. As I met each milestone, I adopted an arrogance that affirmed I could attain and control EVERYTHING. Boy, was I wrong!
Yes, in our lifetime, we will have ownership over tangible objects, relationships, finances, gifts/talents, and purpose. With wisdom and a serious dedication, we can make miracles happen. As I grew in my faith in Christ, it became less important to hold on to things and essential to be calm and release it unto Him who is able to do exceedingly and abundantly above all I can ever think or imagine. On the other hand, there are some things we will never have control over…
- Change: 9 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! – I Corinthians 15:9 NIV As much as you wish time was in your hands, it’s not. The sun will rise and set, and we will wake up to a brand-new day where anything could happen. Don’t spend the time wondering how to avoid change. Instead, learn to go with the flow and look at differences as opportunities to do something new and exciting with life.
- The Weather: 7 No one can escape the weather – it’s there. And no one can escape from God. – Job 37:7 (MSG) Depending on where you live in the world, the weather may be predictable. But there will be days when you wake up to torrential rain, piles of snow or your summer beach plans may be pushed aside due to a change in the wind. Do not complain. Do not allow your feelings about the weather ruin your day. Instead make the most of a rainy day and try to find the silver lining.
- Traffic: 17 The king appointed his officer to control the traffic at the gate, but he was knocked down and trampled to death as the people rushed out. So everything happened exactly as the man of God had predicted when the king came to his house. – 2 Kings 7:17 (NLT) No matter where you are going, no matter what mode of transportation you use, you will hit some traffic. You may have the most finely tuned automobile on the road, but you just don’t know what the car ahead of you is going through. You will run into a bunch of cars and instantly you are in waiting mode. Truth is that waiting is the worst but your mindset can make that moment better.
- The Past: 20 God keeps such people so busy enjoying life that they take no time to brood over the past. – Ecclesiastes 5:20 (NLT) The past is the past. Rafiki in The Lion King may have been the one to teach you this lesson. The past can hurt but it’s also whatever you make it. We have a habit of trying to hold on to embarrassing or painful memories and perhaps trying to change them in order to feel less embarrassed or pained. And then you may want to hold on to favorite happy moments and extend those for as long as possible. Instead, try making every moment a new memory that distracts you from focusing on the past. Doing your best in the present will certainly provide an “in the moment” gift and perspective.
- The Future: 14 In the same way, wisdom is sweet to your soul. If you find it, you will have a bright future, and your hopes will not be cut short. – Proverbs 24:14 (NLT) The future like the past, is not in your control. As much as we try to plan and construct our 5-year plans, there is at least one thing (a small detail) that may not be on the itinerary. These things are unexpected. Learn to let go of where you think you’re supposed to be and focus on where you are right now. After all, you can control your actions and reactions in the present moment.
- Other People’s Minds: 4 Satan, who is the god of this world, has blinded the minds of those who don’t believe. They are unable to see the glorious light of the Good News. They don’t understand this message about the glory of Christ, who is the exact likeness of God. – 2 Corinthians 4:4 (NLT) Personally, I pride myself in not getting a NO for an answer. Perhaps it’s because I strategically phrase my questions and requests to guarantee a positive response. However, that is not the same as having control over the minds of others. I have observed people trying to convince each other for hours in the hopes one would see things differently. We are not control of taking charge over thoughts and feelings of people we know and engage. Learn to let it go and focus on how you react in situations instead.
- Other People’s Happiness: 10 Those who love money will never have enough. How meaningless to think that wealth brings true happiness! – Ecclesiastes 5:10 (NLT) As much as you want your friends and family to be happy, it’s out of your control. It is within our control to offer encouragement and support to others but in the long run, it is completely up to the other to turn that frown upside down. Additionally, we must let go of solving other people’s problems and focus on our own positivity. You will be exhausted and drained if you keep playing the role of GOD. My favorite mantra I use daily – do whatever it takes to protect my peace of mind.
Who we are is the sum of all the choices we make. Let’s choose to release control off that which we have no control over. Start today and feel the weight lift from off your shoulders.
….now what, Linda
now what, Linda? 